Monday, July 27, 2015

The Comforts

As I anticipated, the transplant from Charlotte to New York City was overwhelming. The adjustment period has certainly had its difficulties but it wasn’t until I conversation with one of my friends towards the end of last week that I realized how much I was clinging on to my comforts.

Retrospectively, this move has been the biggest transition I’ve ever undergone. Yes, going to college was a transition, but students going through the exact same transition surrounded me. It felt like everyone was eager for a new friend and asking a classmate to grab lunch after a five-minute conversation wasn’t completely unheard of and for the most part, the eagerness for friends was reciprocated. Flash forward to my first year out of college. Yes, I moved to a new city and started a new job, but all of my friends from Clemson were starting new jobs and moving to new cities too and majority of my friends in Charlotte were also new to the city. There was a connection and understanding that didn’t need to be justified and hanging out with quasi-strangers and getting to know each other was mutually exciting.

When I started with Search Solution Group, the career was new, but the city and majority of my friends remained the same. While moving to Montana and traveling to Uganda were intimidating, they both had definite timelines that were set prior to my leaving.

The transition to New York has not had any of these comforts. I moved to a new city where most people my age are a bit more settled into their friends groups. Fortunately for me, I’m not easily intimidated and I’ve made quite a few plans with acquaintances in hopes of possibly building friendships. The routine has been an adjustment. It only takes on trip with shaking arms before you start to think about making too many purchases. I plan my stops ahead of time and optimize days when I can utilize my backpack space on the way home from school. While I have a job that I LOVE, it’s not something I’ve ever done before (in this capacity.) Again, I’ve been a bit over assertive in seeking for guidance and expert opinions, but intimidating nonetheless.

While not seamless, I have been impressed with my transition until I realized how much I was clinging on to a few comforts. For the past two weeks, I’ve only eaten Fruity Pebbles for breakfast. Once on a random occasion in Charlotte, I would splurge on my childhood favorite, but then take my time eating my way through the box and enjoy the lengthy hiatus that would follow until my next purchase. However, in my limited time here, I’ve been through multiple boxes of Fruity Pebbles. For the past year, I never kept a box of Oreos in my house. Since moving to New York, I can’t tell you how many sleeves of Oreo’s I’ve consumed. Also, chocolate chip cookies happen to my most cherished comfort.  Eating a chocolate chip cookie makes me feel at home and peaceful no matter where I am or what I’m going through. Also, I’m not sure I’ve ever denied a chocolate chip cookie. So each night, I’ve been heating up a batch up chocolate chip cookies from the homemade dough I create each weekend and indulging with a Lilly Pulitzer cup filled with milk. Lastly, the pizza. Usually sweet tea is one of the ultimate comforts but since it’s not widely popular in New York and the few places that do offer the treat are far sub par from my specifications, I’ve resorted to pizza. Lunch? Pizza. Dinner? Pizza. I’ve had delivery, homemade, specialty, and frozen.

In addition to feeling exhausted, which I shared last week, my tummy has been terrible these past few weeks. Constant upset from my poor dietary selections and increase in anxiety. I wasn’t aware of this hole I had dug myself in to until one of my closest friends called me out on it last week. (Always a true sign of friendship, they tell you even what you don’t want to hear.) She brought to my attention how unsurprising it was that I hadn’t been feeling so well given my most recent dietary choices.

So instead of wallowing in self-pity and doubting my life changes (I’m not always as confident as I like to come off), I’ve decided to take charge in my trajectory. While I am sure I will struggle (accountability is part of why I am sharing this post) I have to do what’s best for me and that does not include Fruity Pebbles, Oreos, chocolate chip cookies, and pizza. Instead of finding comfort in watching countless episodes of Gossip Girl (I’m slightly embarrassed with the number of seasons I’ve binge watched since moving to New York) I’m going to push myself to find comfort out of my comfort zone. Considering reading a few new books, running more (despite the heat), and most importantly trying to eat well.

Not that I am committing myself to a chocolate-chip-Oreo-pizza-fruity pebble free life, but I don’t need to be consuming these not so lovely treats on a daily basis.

The move hasn’t been entirely all overwhelming, check my Instagram for proof, I know I would have found any transition of this magnitude intimidating, even if I crossed the pond to be the new nanny for the Camridges.  That sounds really rather lovely. Me, George, Charlotte, Henry, and Kate becoming BFFs. Hmm… maybe my next move!



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